Still nothing funny in the basement

Despite lots of new material, nothing has been very amusing in the basement lately. Instead, the place is just plain creepy. This guy has been lurking around and monitoring the Muslims. I don't really know how to handle the situation other than to monitor him. It's a big circle of mistrust, since I think the Muslims don't trust me. Any suggestions?

In other news, I thought I would share something ridiculous about me. My other ridiculous lists require too much thought and energy, so they will have to wait until my energy levels raise. On a positive note, I am slightly less fat than before, and I have been feeling less pathetic and lonely. But anyway, back to the ridiculousness.

Today I realized what a freak I am for never wearing my glasses. You know how people talk around about how they couldn't find their glasses and it turned out they were on their head. Yeah, I'm the opposite. Today I touched my head and freaked out. Where were my glasses? They are always on my head, serving their primary function of a headband, but they weren't there. I started to freak out about where I could have misplaced them, when I realized I was actually wearing them for a change.

So why don't I wear my very expensive glasses?

I do have some decent reasons:

1. I have had such bad vision for so long that I'm just plain used to not being able to see.
2. They hurt my eyes, my optometrist finds this very strange, but I swear it's true.
3. My vision is getting progressively worse. Now I can't read at all while wearing my glasses. Since I almost always reading this is really quite annoying. Honestly, I read constantly. In the shower I read the back of the shampoo bottles, I read my mail while I drive (if not the newspaper), I even get up the middle of the night and check my email. Thank god at least it's not as bad for me as the other things I can't do in moderation-- food and alcohol.

But the biggest reason I don't wear my glasses makes absolutely no sense at all, and is probably the most ridiculous thing about me. Most girls don't wear their glasses because they think that others will find them unattractive. This is not my problem. My issue is that when I wear my glasses I find myself unattractive.

Not in the "my glasses make me look ugly" sense. No, that would be far too reasonable.

Rather, wearing my glasses makes me see how unattractive I actually am. The random glance of my reflection while wearing my glasses is a terrifying sight. I always think- "I don't actually look like that, do I?" It's a very similar experience to the first time I did acid. I couldn't step away from the mirror. I was obsessed with my ugliness. I washed my face, put on makeup, washed my face again, put on makeup again. This went on for hours.

Luckily, just like the acid trip, it does eventually end. Only now it doesn't take 10 hours, I just have to take off my glasses. Immediately, my skin looks nicer, my nose less obtuse, my hair less frizzy, my eyes less bloodshot, and my teeth much whiter.
Logically I know that in no way is my fuzzy vision transfered to others by not wearing my glasses, but this does not register in my brain. I just think, "hmmm, I look much better now."

Now that's ridiculous.